ROOM

in 70 words

Get your ass out of my face!

You get your face out of my ass, ass!

Guys. Bros, come on. Don’t be like that. It’s us — remember? We grew up together. “Peas and love, always.”

Easy for you to say peabrain! You’re half our size with room to grow.

Man, I’m so close to giving this guy a black eye.

Imagine several to a pod, running out of space.

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SUNLIGHT

in 100 words

“So what’ll it be pal? The usual?” I ask.

—“I dunno man. I’m not feeling very “morning fresh,” you know? Got loads on my mind and things feel like they are constantly spinning. It’s always hot or cold, and just… agitating. Sorry for the ‘wet blanket’ talk.

“Wow, dude. Sounds like you’ve been going through it. Lots cycling for you right now. But try to relax. It’ll all come out on the wash.”

I pour an old fashioned — original scent Sunlight detergent, that is — hit the start button and hear the washing machine rev up.

“Sorry buddy,” I wince.

Puddle

in 60 words

“You know what that does to me.”

She did know. Whispering in his ear, ASMR style, nibbling the lobe, or a sloppy tongue lashing were all things she could do to turn her boyfriend into a puddle on the floor.

God damn it, Cosmo Magazine was onto something. One of one hundred ways to please your man: Bend his ear.

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